AA Gifts & Baskets Idea & Advice Blog

It’s a tradition that the Groom gives you a gift at some time during the rehearsal dinner. The gift is a thank-you for standing up with him at the wedding. Common gifts include money clips, wrist or pocket watches, fountain pens, tickets to a sporting event, lighters, key chains, cigar cutters, cigars, beer steins, or gift certificates to a sporting goods store or restaurant. It’s nice when these gifts are engraved with the date of the wedding and your initials. The gift then becomes a nice memory of the event in later years. (The engraving also ensures that you’ll keep it because it’ll be harder to “re-gift” the next time you’re in a jam. We’ll get into that later.)

Gift Recommendations

The Best Man or Groomsmen don’t customarily give the Groom a gift at the rehearsal dinner. Your wedding gift is your gift to the happy couple. If the surveys are any indication, you probably spent more than you thought you would at the bachelor party, so there’s no real need to add another gift to your list.

Wedding etiquette also offers a lay-away plan. Etiquette dictates that you have up to one year from the date of the wedding to give your wedding gift without looking like a heel. Personally, the one-year rule never worked for me. I always ended up waiting nine months, and then I had no idea if I sent the couple anything. It’s also embarrassing to have to ask the couple if you sent a gift because they probably don’t know or care by that point. On one occasion, I mailed two or three wedding gifts at the same time after many months of torture, and within two weeks I learned that two out of three were delivered to old addresses and/ or lost by the post office. My advice is to bring it with you and drop it off at the wedding.

Cash

If you give cash as a wedding gift, I am truly proud of you. As a former Groom, there’s nothing like it because you can do whatever you want with it-no strings attached and no waiting in line at the returns aisle.

Unfortunately, most people don’t feel comfortable giving cash because, let’s face it, if you want to spend less than $100 bucks, you can’t really give cash.You have to get a gift that looks like it might be worth a hundred. You can also get them a few gifts so it’ll definitely look like you went all out and hit the $100 mark.

If you’re over seventy years old you may want to pull the U.S. Savings Bond scam. (Do senior citizens actually think anyone keeps the bond for the hundred years it takes to reach the face value?) If you ever get one of these, run down to your local bank, cash it, and go get yourself a new CD, or maybe two if you’re lucky.

It was snowing. The snow came down in white sheets that went yellow in the street lights. At the end of the boulevard there was a monument to the wall. It was a great block of plain cement. On one side the back end of a big American car from the 1950s stood out in the circle of the street lights. There was a similar tail end coming out on the other side. The cars were covered with snow.

We walked down the boulevard. At one end there was the ruined church and the new church stood next to it. They left it, she said, from the war. She didn’t say, which war, because it was clear and everywhere you went the war was there even if no one spoke abut it.

At the train depot you looked at the names of the stations and that was the war as well but no one spoke about it and it was as if you were in a crowded elevator but no one said anything.

Every day the news was about the wall. There were crowds at the wall and people coming and going, but no one knew what was happening.

I waited with her and she became impatient. We went for a drive. There is no speed limit on the freeways and she drove very fast. She drove fast but other cars went by us in a humming-blur. You heard the hum, like a massive, bloated wasp, angry and determined was coming at you, and then there was the elongated blur of a car going by you.

We are Germans, she said, smiling with wry humor, we don’t know what to do, so we try to do everything perfectly.

We walked in the woods. It was bitterly cold. The ground was frozen. We walked down to a lake and the water was very still and sharply blue. We went to a restaurant that looked over the lake. We drank hot chocolate and spoke about nothing in particular. The waiters were gathering around the television behind the bar.

The next day she was up early, watching the news. She turned from station to station. Then she said, she couldn’t wait any longer and that we should go see it for ourselves.

There were people everywhere and barricades and television crews. On top of the wall, a lone East German guard stood, forlornly, looking at everyone. He was wearing a forest green winter jumpsuit. In his hands he held an automatic rifle. He looked confused.

We walked down the length of the wall. She translated the graffiti. Far down the wall, away from the crowd, we passed two young boys. They had a small pick and they were taking turns hitting the wall. She spoke to them. They laughed and the one with the pick handed it to her and she thanked them.

She hit the wall and the metal echoed in the crisp winter air. She hammered out two pieces of the wall. She smiled and handed the pick back to the boys.

Here, she said, this is for you.

She handed me a piece of the wall.

A gift, she said, from history, to you. 

My husband has always been a bit of a prankster, especially when he was younger. I hear many stories from his family about the time he was dared by his older brother to set light to a full 44-gallon drum of Diesel. Or the time he sat up all night and waited for someone to go to the toilet in the dark, his mother half asleep was given the shock of her life when he jumped out of the shadows at 2am and yelled ‘rah’. My husband was always very mischievous and well known for doing naughty little things. One year at Christmas time he played a prank on his five siblings, by bringing out a bag of 20c lollies each and wishing them all a merry Christmas. Later on when they were all upset that he hadn’t got them a Christmas present he brought them all real presents out.

It is this spontaneity and fun approach to life that has helped make a marriage of 11 years enjoyable, every minute of it. I particularly like to tell the story of how he proposed to me on our engagement.

At that time in my life I was having a lot of difficulty, as my father was dying from an incurable form of cancer. I had taken my father and mother to visit his brother, who he had not seen for many years. It was a very long trip and I had to leave my boyfriend (husband) behind for 4 weeks to do the trip, which was over 1,000 miles long. I missed him terribly while I was gone and looked forward to talking to him every night on the phone.

Just before I was due home my boyfriend told me that he had bought me a gift, and he would give it to me when I got home from my trip. I couldn’t wait to get home to see what it was….

When I got home I was overjoyed to see him, and later on that night he told me that he had some bad news. The gift that he was going to buy, which was a beautiful golden locket with a sapphire stone in it, had been mistakenly sold. The sales girl was supposed to be keeping it for him, he apologized and told me that he didn’t have any gift after all. I told him not to worry, I was just glad to be back home and able to spend time with him again.

Weeks passed and we drove up to my parents farm to see them, while we were there, my boyfriend pulled me aside and told me that he had an early birthday present for me. It was about 2 weeks early, he produced a white paper bag from his pocket, I laughed at him and said “what a 20c bag of lollies?” He just smiled and handed me that bag of lollies, inside was a beautiful diamond ring, I looked at it and was breathless, it was so beautiful. “You know what that is don’t you?” he asked putting the ring on my finger, “of course I do” I gushed. I enjoy telling the story of how my husband proposed to me, it was very romantic and spontaneous, the funny thing was he had that ring ever since I had got back from my trip. But couldn’t get up the courage to give it to me, until he come up with the idea of giving me a 20c bag of lollies.

Memories can invoke very strong emotions. At a young age our memories take hold and later in life these can be sparked by sights, sounds, touch, tastes, and smells. Special occasions tend to hold the deepest memories, ones birthdays’, Christmas, first date, graduation, and matrimony, to a couple’s first born and then the cycle begins again in another’s memories.

The memory of ones wedding celebration marks a special passage of time. Ones own memories that were once exclusive to only you are now shared with another and the two become one in thought, emotion and in this way all future memories change and are never remembered again as exclusively your own. No longer is it “my” memories but “our” memories.

The yearly anniversary which now marks that sharing of time has such special meaning, over the years much thought has gone into the giving of gifts for a couple’s wedding anniversary.

Historically, Emily Post is considered to be the first person to publish an etiquette guide which contained tips on wedding anniversary special meanings towards the passage of time and gift giving to honor that passage.

Emily Post (nee Price) met her husband-to-be, Edwin Post, at a formal ball in New York City. Engagement, wedding, and honeymoon were followed by the birth and raising of her two sons but when old enough to attend boarding school, she turned her attention to writing. Emily Post’s romantic stories were quite successful, and she became a “traveling correspondent” crossing the continents.

In 1922, her book, “Etiquette”, topped the nonfiction bestseller list, and the phrase “according to Emily Post” soon entered our language as the final and only word on social subjects of conduct. Mrs. Emily Post penned in this publication traditional gift guide for wedding anniversaries that were fact based on heritage, but also included more modern gifts to suite the times, and creative ideas for thoughtful and memorable gift giving.

Mrs. Emily Post’s initial anniversary gift giving guide included the first, fifth, tenth, fifteenth, twentieth, twenty-fifth and fiftieth years of marriage.

Gifts in the early years of marriage were small remembrances, or tokens, such as 1st (paper), 5th (wood), and 10th (tin). In later years of matrimony, gifts gained value (which tends to correspond with society status and professional security), including 15th (crystal), 20th (china), 25th (silver), and 50th (gold).

By the time her publication was reprinted in 1957, the growing importance of wedding anniversary celebrations in America required more guidance and the traditional gift list had been expanded to include all of the first 15 years, and multiples of five thereafter. Additionally, as 35 years had passed since the original publication modern alternatives were again added and updated to include more socially acceptable gift options.

The traditional and modern anniversary gift guides have changed very little during the past half-century where traditional gifts are deeply rooted in heritage yet modern gifts greatly assist to offset cultural differences. The giving of a gift to your partner on the memorable occasion of shared thought is so symbolic that this guide has been developed to assist making the occasion truly one worth marking the passage of time from here. This guide offers suggestions for gift giving for both men and women and insight into traditional and modern gifts and offers purchasing opportunities from trusted merchants that assisted in producing this guide.

Your doctor’s well-baby examination consists of many different parts, each designed to help her find certain information. You may have to watch closely to see her do each part of the exam because she probably has developed her own tricks and techniques. Some doctors like to have the baby on the examination table; others prefer that the parents hold the baby. Sometimes the doctor will be talking to you while examining your baby.

Here are some of the major areas your doctor will consider and what she looks for in each category:

• General Appearance: cleanliness, nutrition, alertness
• Skin: color, rashes. Bruises, swelling, condition of hair and nails
• Head: Shape, softness of the anterior fontanel [soft spot]
• Eyes: redness, good movement, light reflexes [checked with an instrument called an ophthalmoscope, looking for problems with the retina]
• Ears: irritation or infection of the ear canals or ear drums
• Nose: congestion, discharge
• Mouth: gums, tongue, throat, tonsils
• Neck: swelling of the thyroid or lymph nodes, mobility
• Heart: rate and rhythm, murmurs
• Lungs: breathing rate, abnormal noises, air exchange
• Abdomen: bowel sounds [normal stomach gurglings], enlarged organs or tenderness
• Genitals: In girls-normal appearance of external genitals, redness. In boys-penis [if circumcised, check that it has healed well; if not, check that foreskin is normal], both testicles are in scrotum
• Arms and Legs: normal movement and color, absence of swelling and discoloration
• Pulses: equal femoral pulse [same on both sides]
• Neurologic: tone, muscle movement and coordination, strength

When I married my husband, he slept with his arms crossed over his chest. It seemed to me he was protecting his heart; it had been wounded and broken so many times. During his waking hours, he let his guard down. But, when sleeping, he still needed to protect himself, lest some threatening force invade and attack, catching him unawares.

Joe is an early riser. Typically he gets up before I do, quietly slips out of our bedroom, exercises, makes coffee, reads the paper, and then wakes me up. Rarely do I awaken before him. But recently I did. I marveled at how peaceful he looked. He was lying on his side, one hand underneath the pillow, the other just hanging down.

His chest was wide open, not needing his protection because he finally felt safe, open, and welcoming of me. In his sleep, he reached over and wrapped his arms around me. Like two spoons in a drawer, we lay there, side by side, a perfect fit. He let me in and I was part of him, safe, next to his heart.

He’s opened his heart. He trusts I won’t break it.

Next, review your insurance policies.  For many people, life insurance is a kind of instant estate; its guaranteed financial protection for your family.

Term life insurance [temporary; bought for a specified period of time, or term] is often purchased by younger people who like the low initial premiums.  Remember that premiums for term insurance rise slowly through your thirties and more quickly thereafter.  For people in their sixties and beyond, term insurance rates may be out of reach.

Whole-life insurance [permanent; for your “whole life”] rates are about five times higher than for term insurance, but the premiums remain level from the date of issue.  Additionally, the whole-life policy acquires a cash value that increases over time.

You may want to look into newer types of life insurance that combine term and whole-life.  Such a policy typically will combine at least $10,000 of whole-life upon the head of the household with at least $50,000 of term insurance, all for a single premium.  Another innovative policy is adjustable life insurance, which allows the policy-holder to raise or lower the amount of insurance and vary the type of insurance between whole-life and term, as life’s circumstances change.

If you or your spouse is staying home or working part time, that person should also consider buying a term policy that would cover the daycare expenses that would result in case the stay-at-home parent dies.

What about your health insurance?  Many companies now offer membership in a health maintenance organization [HMO] as an option to the usual health insurance.  HMO s are corporations that contract with physicians and hospitals to deliver health care under a prepaid plan.  With these plans, employers can offer their workers enhanced benefits at prices comparable to traditional insurance.  Joining a HMO can make sense, particularly to a family whose members seem to be running to the doctor’s office every other week.  The costs of office visits, prescriptions, vaccinations, diagnostic tests, and hospitalization are often covered by an HMO plan.  Keep in mind that you have to use the HMO’s doctors and hospitals, so if you have a doctor that you particularly like, an HMO may not be for you.

A new wrinkle in employer-or insurance-plan-pondered health care is the Preferred Provider Organization [PPO].  As with an HMO, a PPO plan provides discount health care to members, offering co-payment arrangements and other incentives.  Typically, members contribute through payroll deductions.  As a PPO member, you can choose your physician and hospital from those included in the PPO group. Fees for services are covered one hundred percent.  If you wish, you can choose an outside [nonmember] physician or hospital, in which case you will be liable for a percentage of any fees.  Obviously, what makes PPOs appealing is that a member can select his or her caregivers. 

Check to see if you have adequate protection through work or Social Security in the event you become disabled.  If not, find out if you qualify for auto insurance that provides benefits for disability from traffic accidents, or for special private insurance programs that pay monthly loan or mortgage payments during a disability.  There are different definitions of what disabled means; an insurance agent should explain exactly what “disability” means in the policy.  The agent should also explain the policy’s “renewability,” or the conditions of extending the policy beyond its expiration date.

The whole point of insurance is to cover the “just in case” situations; you want to be sure your policies are appropriate for a family with young children. 

A boon is something to be thankful for, a blessing, or benefit. It may be received in the form of a gift or as something that is asked for or a favor that is sought. In olden times, it refers to a favor given by the nobility to one of a lower status. The member of the nobility or a noble person would grant a boon or gift to another person of lower rank.

This gift giving or granting of a gift or boon lead to a curious saying; “the quality of mercy is unstrained.” It means that if you are giving a gift or doing someone a favor then it makes great sense to do so in a way that is not dramatic or strained. It was originally spoken by Portia, in “The Merchant of Venice”, written by William Shakespeare in 1596.

Shakespeare actually wrote:

“The quality of mercy is unstrained;It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven;Upon the place beneath: it is twice blessed;It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes;“Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes;The throned monarch better than his crown;”

What Shakespeare was writing about was the concept of mercy being a good thing. Over time this came to be taken for granted and the term of a ‘quality’ example of ‘mercy’ came into being. Giving a gift that requires a return gift or some future obligation makes the gift giving of a strained nature. When giving boons or granting boons became a popular obligation of the nobility, the granting of them in an unstrained manner makes the person granting the boon nobler than their position or title. The problem with this is that in a Monarchy, your Count votes, while in a Democracy, your vote counts.

This concept of mercy being unstrained was somewhat undermined by the idea of ‘Noblesse Oblige’. “Noblesse oblige” is generally used to imply that with wealth, power, and prestige come social responsibilities. The granting of mercy or boons was considered an obligation of the better off people in society. The term has also been applied to those who are capable of simple acts to help one who is less fortunate.

As an example in the US Marines officers are issued a book called, “The Marine Officer’s Guide”, where it states that, “As an officer, you demand a great deal of your men. But they in fact demand much more of you. If you let down one of your Marines, you are letting down the entire Corps. Noblesse oblige is the private motto of every officer of Marines.”

The granting of mercy or helping those of us who are less fortunate is becoming the territory of our elected officials. Many of whom would not know what you are talking about when you ask them about a favor or a boon. One of the advantages in a democracy is that if you were to ask one person how much a telephone book weighs, you may get anything from 2 ounces or 56.7 grams to 20 lbs. or 9.07 Kilograms. But if you ask 2000 people you will get an average answer very close to the exact weight.