AA Gifts & Baskets Idea Blog

Archive for July, 2007

From the time I can remember it was instilled in me to appreciate everything and anything that someone gave me or did for me. As a little girl I remember being taught manners. "Thank you" was one of my most used phrases and still is to this day. However, “Thank You” is a phrase that is so well-used and is so automatically uttered that it can become unheard by the giver. As a small child, I would say it because I was told I must say it therefore, it was an automatic response not a response of genuine appreciation. As I grew older, I learned the value of appreciation and that no deed should go unnoticed. I also learned that half the joy of receiving is giving a small token of appreciation, whether it be sending a thank you card or a thank you gift.

I learned that “thank you” is only a conversational expression of gratitude and that the most rewarding way of thanking someone is giving something in return. Have you ever given a gift or did a deed for someone and they said “thank you”? How quickly did you forget those words? Taking the time to sit and write a simple thank you card or send a thank you gift goes a long way. It is one of the most valuable things you can do to show your appreciation and delight to the special someone who has taken time to show their thoughtfulness. We lead busy lives and we tend to forget the small things in life that make a person feel special and appreciated. Show your gratitude and take the time to uplift the spirit of the giver. Be selfless and take some time in your busy day to sincerely thank someone.

Two of my best friends, Amanda and Brian, are tying the knot in less than two weeks. I couldn't be happier for them. They love each other very much and probably are going to have a million babies. Maybe more.

In the midst of all the hype and jitters surrounding the wedding preparations, I've been able to share a lot of marital advice with Amanda when she wanted it-heck, I even gave her some when she didn't want it, for that matter. I'm like that.

For the record, Amanda was raised Lutheran. Brian, on the other hand, has been a practicing Mormon for almost a decade. Now, also for the record, they could believe lizards were the key to the universe and I would respect their right to their own religion. Nevertheless, things got really awkward when the subject of religion and kids came up in one of my well-meaning rants.

Since I knew that the Lutheran doctrine and the Mormon doctrine are quite different (even contradictory), I asked Amanda if she and Brian were going to raise their kids Lutheran, Mormon, or Religion-Not-Otherwise-Specified-Chosen-By-the-Child. Amanda said that she and Brian, despite the fact the wedding is drawing nearer, never once have discussed the issue. She said it wasn't important right now and that they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

I can't tell you how many bells and whistles went off in my head after hearing that statement. Certainly, not everything has to be concrete between a husband and wife when they step up to the altar. Still, I couldn't help but feel a little anxious.

The truth is, religion impacts kids from the moment they are born. Will they be baptized? Circumcised? Will they put up a Christmas tree? Will they say grace before they eat? What will they eat? Will they say prayers before they are tucked into bed? Will they be allowed to go on an Easter egg hunt? What about being able to participate in the annual "holiday" concert (can't call it a Christmas concert-have to be politically correct now) with all those carols about baby Jesus? Will they have a coming of age ceremony and party? What about Sunday school?

All that being said, I'm not promoting any one religion. What I am promoting is that parents come to an agreement early on about what their children will be taught in terms of faith, because the impacts on family life from religion are enormous, not to mention long-reaching. I had a friend in high school, for example, whose father was Lutheran and whose mother was Catholic-she had to attend multiple services every Sunday and was really torn between the differing doctrines, and her mother just about had a heart attack when she got older and decided to not go to the Catholic service anymore.

It's not impossible to expose your child to multiple doctrines in a healthy way, but children in multi-doctrine homes may have to flip flop from one doctrine to the other several times over before they really settle on their own beliefs, which may be difficult. Therefore, parents need to make an effort to explain clearly to their child why those differences in doctrine exist so that the child can decide more easily for himself what he is going to believe.

A quick look in a dictionary will see the word ‘gift' defined as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance. But there is so much more. Present and gift are both used to describe something given as an expression of affection, friendship, interest, or respect. Present is the more formal; gift is generally used to describe something conferred on an individual, a group, or an institution. Something special is presented like a birthday present; a less formal example might be a gift to a bride. A donation applies to an important gift, most often of money and usually of considerable size. A bonus applies to something, again usually money, given in addition to what is due, to employees who have worked for a long time or particularly well.

When a special occasion happens a special gift is given and ‘Presented' to the recipient at that occasion. This may be a birthday, a wedding, or the birth of a child. The very act defines to the recipient that we have a kind regard for that person. It may mean that the giver loves the recipient. It may even mean more.

Once our physiological needs have been met, once we have enough to eat, drink, clothing and shelter, then we start to think of security. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency such as widespread rioting. Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe. I often will ask the question: "Have you ever played chess?" Have you ever won on the first move?" The reason I ask this is because chess takes a little while for the game to be decided. So does life and relationships. Sometimes a gift is just a gift but a present may be the first move in much longer and more complicated series of events. It may be that we feel the need for long term companionship as a step towards more security in life.

Some of us do not feel the immediate need for safety and for physiological well-being. Anybody who watches the news regularly will certainly have some concerns. Fortunately all of us at some time or another will feel the need for love, affection and belongingness.

Years ago, before the age of modern communications like radio, movies, television, and the Internet, we visited friends and met at the town square or village plaza. But although times change, people still seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.

This is where the act of not merely giving a gift but presenting a present and making it an occasion and really memorable helps to build your sense of connection to the recipient. It's easy to do. To make the presentation an occasion decide who really needs a break, Have the kids been exceptionally good, dad got a promotion, or the family has been stuck in the house for days?

Now what to do? For kids you could try outdoor activities such as scooters, bike riding, skate boarding, or playing in the park. For adults you could try a walk without interruptions from cell phones, dance to your favorite songs, play golf, or try yard sales or antique hunting. At some point in the activity, the time will feel right to make a present of the gift and make a connection that could last a lifetime.

If the present or gift is for the family, the key to success is to stay active so you can get the gang to try bowling, hiking, swimming, badminton, or flag football. Leave options such as movies and dinner as a last resort.

So gift giving does not have to revolve around a national festival or holiday, it will be doubly appreciated. Just remember this saying:

"The present should look like an accident to the recipient." Make it look like something that just ‘happened' along the way. It will be even more memorable to the recipient.

Later in this series we will chat about gift giving on special holidays and occasions.

Often a person giving gifts to others will be described as having largess. This word was originally derived from the Latin word largus, meaning large. This word was transformed in French to largesse and then shortened in English to largess. It doesn't mean large in size but rather generous in gift giving or in donating money to a good cause.

One form of generosity is considered altruism. This is the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others. It comes to human beings naturally, because it is observed in animal behavior. Some behavior by an animal that may be to its disadvantage but that benefits others of its kind, like a warning cry that reveals the location of the caller to a predator. Most people do not practice the gift of altruism. Their largess is not very large.

Thousands of years ago, human beings were hunter-gatherers and quickly learned to work together to gather the ripe fruits and berries while they were still ripe, or to hunt in groups of people. However when the food and game was not plentiful and a person bragged about where the best fruit or game was located, they quickly learned that they had given a gift to those they told. They also learned that they would go hungry. So they leaned genetically to keep their mouths shut about food and other resources.

Altruism on the other hand is exactly the opposite. It is the willful sacrifice of one's own interests or well being for the sake of something that will be considered a gift to others. It is also often defined as being the selfless concern for the welfare of others. In English, this idea was often described as the Golden Rule of ethics. It states: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Two reversals of this saying go like this: "Do unto others before they do unto you"; and "Let no good deed go unpunished." These are normally expressed by people who are experiencing a shortage of food, or shelter, or have in their past. However as people get to the point in life that they have enough food, water, and shelter, they begin to look for more intangible items like love, affection and belongingness, both giving and receiving these items. Also people look for a high level of self-respect, and respect from others.

Sometimes this search for the respect of others will cause people to brag about their acquisitions or accomplishments. At the same time, they will be genetically programmed not to tell where others can find the best items or merchandise bargains. This causes some strain in the individual and their largess appears very small indeed.

Essentially Largess means the generous bestowal of gifts. It can also be referred to as the actual gift or gifts of money. In the olden days it meant generosity or liberality or bestowing gifts, especially in a lofty or condescending manner.

Now it is used to describe generosity of spirit or attitude, free from meanness or smallness of mind or character. It has been said that most people are generous and care about their fellow human beings. Many people would like to help out more and exercise their largess, but they don't have a clear picture of how to do this.

By a clear picture, I mean that human beings are not very good at predicting outcomes. If they were good at predicting outcomes, casinos would go out of business. This is why people get very nervous about writing exams, because they may know the subject matter, but they can't predict what questions will be asked and as such can't confidently predict that they will ace the test.

However if people could see that a gift to a charity would accomplish something or actually help the intended recipient they would be happy to make the gift of time or money to help out. As I previously mentioned, they would experience a high level of self-respect, and respect from others. That in itself is a gift that can't be replaced.