AA Gifts & Baskets Idea Blog

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You never met her or her friends. She made a confession over the phone. They thought you were the dreamy-est thing they’d ever seen. That was exactly how she said it. It was sweet - school-girl sweet, and sincere. They had a photograph - that was all.

What they didn’t know was just how much it meant. How could they?

Like a character in a Springsteen song you’d been down one too many brutal roads and had begun to wonder if there was ever going to be moment where the proverbial light of the next day shone through to illuminate a better time; a better place.

You knew a man who had been out of work for a year. He had a computer file with the places he’d sent his resume.

One thousand and seven, he said, half mystified by the number, half in awe of the reality of it.

You went on interview after interview. They gave you tests. Your favorite was the typing test that asked you to copy as fast as you could a report that said the job market was fraught with uncertainty. It was like the sign on the door to a building that said: please use other door… it made you wonder just what were people thinking, and if they were thinking anything at all.

You were sitting in a bar, with a friend. It was late and a slow evening on a brutally humid day in the middle of a long hot, weary summer. The bartender said he was bored. He pulled out a personalized deck of cards. High card draw wins a free drink, he said. In the background, a television, with the sound turned off, was showing highlights of the day’s baseball games.

Your friend smiled. You said: I never win things like this.

You asked him what happens if you loose.

Nothing, he said, and he smiled.

You looked at the cards splayed out in front of you and you reached for one, stopped, thought better of it, and you chose another.

Your friend went to choose next and, looking at your card, you said: don’t bother, I won.

You were getting dressed to meet someone. You had told them you had a story to share. You put on a clean shirt and felt something in the shirt’s pocket. You smiled as you pulled out two dollars.

You sat together at the table in front of the restaurant. It was late and warm. The sound of cars coming and going in the parking lot just beyond the tables made an echoing hum on the cement.

It became later than it had been and you sat talking about this and that. A man stopped by to ask for money.

I’m trying to get to

Bowie Maryland, he said. You smiled, handed him the two dollars and while he walked away, your friend said you were being foolish. You laughed until you remembered he was the same man who had said the same thing a month before. Well, you said, it’s still funny, the way the luck changes and that’s his karma, not mine.Then there was the phone call. Dreamy, she said. And there was no way she could have known how much that moment of honesty - that gift of honesty - meant.

As you recognize your life to adjust to having a baby, do not forget your own requirement to have some time for yourself, however difficult it may be to schedule. You need private time to be a person in your own right and not only a parent, a homemaker, a spouse, and perhaps an employee.

You need the time to build and maintain the self-esteem that makes you effective in all those roles and effective at being yourself. You need time to exercise, to groom yourself, to read, or to work on a hobby… or to look at sky or water and let your mind wander. Finding this time will probably never be easy for you again, but it will continue to be very important that you do find it. Always look on it not as a luxury or a reward, but as an obligation to yourself.

You won’t always be able to have the hour or more that would do you the most good and be the most enjoyable, but you’ll find that even a few minutes snatched from a busy day will refresh you. If you are a early riser, at your best in the morning, you may enjoy a few minutes of peace and privacy over a cup of coffee or tea before the rest of the family is awake. Your baby’s daytime naps may give you some precious time. Even later, when you may not feel the need to sleep every time your baby does, nap time should be for you, not for housework.

Evening is a wonderful time for a leisurely bath, even for a good read in a warm tub. And evening is probably also the best time for a quiet hour or two for spouses. As important as it is for each to have some solitary time, it is equally necessary for a married couple to spend at least some time together alone.

Since the dawn of time people have been giving gifts. People in early civilizations gave gifts to their tribal leaders and each other to show loyalty and love. They used bark and wood from the trees, and reeds to fashion unique objects as gifts. Gift giving has always been reciprocal, except for the heads of state in various cultures. They received gifts in order to procure favor and to demonstrate allegiance, a practice still in place today.

The Bible highlights many examples of gift giving. The three wise men brought gifts to the Holy Child. Mary Magdalene washed Jesus’ feet with precious oil as a gift. We are told that if we have a gift to leave at the altar and have a grievance with our brother, that we should resolve the wrong before we give the present.

There are many worldwide gift traditions. In Egypt, idols and pyramids were built to honor the pharaohs. In the medieval age, gifts were given to kings to gain personal favor or allegiance in a war. Most of those gifts were silver and gold and jewels: chalices, medallions, statues, and other articles. Gifts were also given to a beloved one or used as dowries for betrothals, which could include a herd of animals, or precious metals and jewelry.

Today we give gifts for a myriad of reasons. Presents are given at cultural religious occasions and seasons. We give gifts for birthdays, holidays, farewells, good luck, to show love, to say thank you, to welcome, and “just because”. We give presents to family members, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Our selection of gifts may include jewelry, gift baskets, toys, clothes, gift certificates, and flowers and plants.

Sometimes a gift is intangible. Children give their parents coupons for yard cleanup, dish washing, cleaning the house and other chores they might not ordinarily perform. We give time to our family, friends, and neighbors when they need help. Volunteers donate their energy to various charitable organizations.

Every so often, we give a present only because it is time to give a gift to someone. Sometimes we don’t even want to give a gift, but feel obligated to do so. We struggle over picking out a present that will be appropriate for the occasion. Instead of being a wonderful opportunity to show someone that we care, it becomes a difficult task. Hopefully, no one has this experience very often, if ever.

Receiving a gift is part of the gift-giving process. Giving a gift makes the giver feel good. Making someone else’s life richer rewards the giver with a feeling of achievement and caring, especially if the recipient shows gratitude and appreciation. Many times, this is why we wish to be the gift giver rather than the recipient, but receiving is important in this reciprocal practice of gift giving.

You always hear the stories of receiving gifts that were quite sweet in gesture, but really don’t fit into your lifestyle or tastes. This ranges from the Christmas tree sweater that glows in the dark to the poofy pink taffeta dress you might have worn when you were 7, but not at the age of 27. With every gift, you can always find something worthy to dwell on, even if it is a bit of humor wrapped with a bow.

My father often jokes with me about my affection towards a gift that comes from the Dollar Store. I must admit you can find various quirky additions to any holiday at this inexpensive chain of stores. When money was tight, it was this store that provided the decorations for my entire house and Christmas tree without giving a hint to the amount of money spent. It’s truly amazing what you will find at the Dollar Store, from cleaning supplies to candles to inexpensive alternatives for movie theater treats. Anyhow, for about five years running, my father would question where some of his gifts came from, making references to one of the cheapest places around promising the purchase of almost anything.

This has been a long running joke within my immediate family because I have a history of creating decorative, Dollar Store-themed baskets for the holidays. One year, for my brother, I stuffed his basket with anything to do with his cell phone. He was always losing his adapter to charge his phone, so I bought him two of them. I also included a set of earphones for the car, an extra cell phone case, even an extra battery. All of these items cost a dollar; all of which were used.

As for my father, he has received Dollar Store baskets pertaining to some of the items he often uses. One year, the theme was garden tools. He found delight in telling me how quickly the stem cutters broke when he went to trim a rose bush. The next year, he received a basket filled with cleaning and maintenance supplies for the car. You can never have too much oil, carburetor fluid or car wash supplies. The year after that, I packed a gift basket full of various tools, such as wrenches, screwdrivers and pliers. I don’t feel bad about these gifts because I know they will eventually get used. For my mother, a basket filled with scented lotions and soaps has brought a smile to her face. I really lucked out when a supply of Oil of Olay eye creams found their way to the Dollar Store.

I have always taken pride in never failing to give a gift on special occasions. It didn’t matter if I had to make a present with my own two hands, but I made sure my loved ones would be opening someone from me on their special day. Over the years, my budget has improved to the point where I no longer have to depend on the Dollar Store for the bulk of my gifts. What started as a way to cope with dreary financial circumstances has now become a welcomed family tradition.

The word holiday has related but different meanings in English. It was originally a combination of the words holy and day. These days originally represented special religious days. The word holiday has changed to mean any special day of rest, not counting weekends.

The problem of course is that we don’t rest on the Holidays. We spend considerable time looking for gifts or preparing for vacation. Unfortunately, when we went to school they emphasized the Three "R’s"; namely Reading, Rwriting and ‘Rithmatic. All that training to be diligent and to work hard started us thinking that we should be busy working hard all the time. Now they know better and in schools they emphasize the Four "R’s"; namely Reading, ‘Rwriting’, ‘Rithmatic’ and my personal favorite ‘Recess’.

Educators now describes the ability to play as one of four signs of a child’s health and well-being, the other three are eating, sleeping, and toileting. At the same time parents, teachers, and health professionals report a steady decline in children’s ability to play. This appears to be the gift that we wee taught in school that we are passing along to our children. Psychologists say that 95% of children are creative. They also say that only 4% of adults are creative. Solving our day to day problems in a creative manner is absolutely critical in today’s high-tech, complex society. This is why time off is so important.

This is also where Holidays become essential. These special days recharge our batteries and let our minds roam freely to grasp solutions to the problems in our everyday lives. In the English-speaking world a holiday can actually mean a vacation or period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation. A holiday can also be a day set aside for celebration or a special day on which school and/or offices are closed, such as Labor Day. These holidays or ‘Days Off’ as we call them, are really important to our mental and physical wellbeing. The term ‘Playwork’ has been termed to describe the encouragement and risk assessment to give people on holidays the ability to play within the bounds of safety. This can include a relaxing walk in a park, a visit to a zoo, a museum, a musical event and other venues.

Sometimes just the holiday gift of time off is all we need to rejuvenate or re-create ourselves. On other occasions we wish to not only re-create ourselves but entertain ourselves at the same time. On these special occasions, we want to participate in a celebration of the holiday. Some examples that come to mind would be Christmas and Easter. For some people who want more, they may make up a celebration of the holiday, (day off or not) like Halloween or summer solstice, or the start of vacation.

A favor or gift that you can give someone would be doing some ‘Playwork’ planning for them. You could suggest and plan a celebration or party in anticipation of an upcoming holiday. You may wish to make this an annual event so that the anticipation for your event can build from year to year.

Some examples might be: Queen Victoria Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Remembrance Day, Martin Luther King Day, Valentine's Day, Mardi Gras, Purim, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Shavuot, Independence Day, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Ramadan, Halloween, Los Dias de los Muertos" (Days of the Dead), Thanksgiving Day, Chanukah, Christmas, and finally Kwanzaa.

Just pick any one day and create a special event or celebration to occur on that day. Gifts could be exchanged and special foods could be prepared or purchased to add a new feature to your unique celebration.

The word bounty is normally used as a type of reward or payment, especially one given by a government. It is a gift in a way for doing something that the government does not have the ability or the manpower top do itself. Some examples would be a bounty on killing predatory animals, growing certain crops, starting certain industries, or signing up for a term in the military.

However the term bounty can also be used in the form of an ordinary person giving a generous gift. Sometimes the person would give a gift that was very expensive. At other times the person would take an ordinary item and add value to it. This value, of course, lies in the eyes of the recipient of the gift. Because you value the recipient’s friendship enough to add value to a gift, or favor that you perform for them, they will think highly about you. This of course has a boomerang effect. You desire people to think well about you because they believe you think well about them and it actually happens.

Way back in 1776, a Scottish fellow named Adam Smith published a book called ‘The Wealth of Nations’. In this book, the author implies that adding value to goods and services is how wealth is created. For the terms ‘goods and services’ you can easily substitute the terms ‘gifts and favors’. The author felt that adding value would create monetary wealth. What about the wealth of good-will that would be created if gifts were given a bounty by adding value to them with your personal touch or added to a favor by going ’above and beyond the expected’?

The traditional way of adding value to a gift was to wrap it. Nowadays, people buy gift bags instead of wrapping gifts. However there may be a way of creating a personalized gift under the wrapping by putting the person’s name on it or a special label from a stationary store or a stamp-booking supply store. When offering a “to-do a favor” to someone, you may include an offer to bring along munchies or refreshments and then do it. This would certainly stand out as a bounty and mark you as a person who certainly had generosity in giving.

The unfortunate part of this is that it is normal for the recipient to reciprocate the bounty. If you value their friendship you would feel better about yourself if they acknowledged your bounty in a reciprocal manner. Unfortunately this is sometimes not the case. Sometimes selfishness plays a part. Selfishness implies the concern with one’s own interests in priority to the interests of others. As you have not expressed selfishness in that you have added bounty or value to the gift or favor, it is reasonable that the recipient show their thanks in a reciprocal manner.

It need not be done at the time of the gift, but should be done in a reasonable period of time. If you find that there is no reciprocation after several bountiful gifts or favors, you may still value the friendship and you may wish to discuss this with the recipient. Let me give you an example.

Say I helped mind your children repeatedly or helped build a shed for you or helped with the landscaping on several occasions. I might mention this and ask if it was OK to continue with the help. I might add that I am asking this because the recipient never reciprocates. I might also mention that I feel bad about this situation. I would also ask if the recipient were aware that I had concerns about this. I would then ask if they thought my concerns would make our relationship better or worse. I would then wait for the answer and see if the recipient of the gifts or favors is prepared to reciprocate in a timely manner. This normally will allow the recipient to make some effort to show their appreciation. Good luck with this strategy.