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Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

It’s hard to think about writing a free-flowing letter when my life seems so programmed. Don’t misunderstand. It’s a good life, full of kids, work, husband, endless house renovations, dogs, cat, after-school activities, friends when they can fit in, and a whole lot of family with a whole lot of issues.

So I write this on a Wednesday eve, the oldest finally in bed and asleep after many minutes of wailing because she felt I’d yelled at her. “That’s how I feel,” she said when I commented that I had not yelled. How can you argue with someone’s feelings? The husband has retired to the bedroom to watch the baseball division playoffs, wondering but not counting on a little “nookie nookie” when I come to bed. That’s a constant and amusing subject-my sex drive. “Is it that you’re not interested?” my husband asks. “Is there anything that really turns you on,” he queries on a fairly regular basis?

It’s not that difficult to figure out why my sex drive isn’t at its height on a usual weeknight. It’s up at 6: 10 A.M.-press the snooze button two times for an additional ten minutes before going into overdrive for the next sixteen hours. Then it’s into the shower-let the hot, hot water run on my back, which is in constant ache mode since exercise was the first thing to hit the road when work and kids and everything else took over. Soon my husband and I share our constitutional morning bathroom dialogue-what’s on your agenda, can you pick up the kids, any meetings tonight? Then it’s what do I wear…

Child no. 1 arrives with a hole in his pajamas Superman pajamas-which he’s decided to wear to preschool today. Sorry, honey, I say, but the hole is right where your penis is and it really wouldn’t be good for you to go to school like that. “I’m gonna wear them anyway,” he replies. Before the final chapter of this story, there are plenty of negotiations. Child no. 2 has arisen. She’s in the other bathroom and says “go away” when I ask if she needs any help. Fine with me, I’m gone.

Found an outfit, don’t feel like making the bed, and just want to see if my husband will do more than simply pull up the sheets. Sheets pulled up-no complaints here. Not a good hair day. Oh, well. Breakfast, make lunches, and out the door by 7:30. One child to preschool, one to before-school care, and parents off to work. Work, work, work. Yes, we like it. It’s exhilarating, gives us mental stimulation, anxiety, satisfaction, and money.

At 5:00 P.M., pick up Child no. 1; 5:20 P.M., pick up Child no. 2; 5:45 P.M., home. Backyard dug up–drainage problem. Walk around the mud and hope the yard is seeded before winter. The dogs are ecstatic to see me and the kids. Jump on the kids and make them yell and cry. Into the house, change my clothes so the silk blouse can make it through one more workday before it hits the dry cleaner, and the kids settle in for a video. Dinner-what tonight? The homemade bean and beef soup was a hit for my hubby, a bomb for the kids. How about canned soup? Yes, canned soup it is. At 7:10, upstairs and bath time. The younger one wants to be dirty for the rest of his life dirty hair, long fingernails and toenails, the works. A minor struggle, but then into the tub. The older one is in heaven, hot water, ultimate relaxation and feeling good for a six-year-old. Bedtime around the corner after teeth brushing and pee time. Books for both kids and then…

It’s my time. Yes, there are the dishes, the bills, the phone calls I should make to my grandmother, mother, father, brother in Detroit, mother-in-law who’s making an effort to keep the barbs off the phone lines, and then a friend. God, how I love to go out with a friend and have some beers, or even better, champagne and cigarettes, and get one of those nice glows.

Full is my life. And it’s my choice. I’m not sure I thought the treadmill would be this fast, though there are days when the pace slows a bit. I know I’m not a stay-at-home mom. I’d be a loony tune. I love my managerial position, my hands in a pot that makes a difference in many people’s lives. Someday I’ll make the time to lie in the sun, plant a small garden and weed it often enough to differentiate the plants from the weeds, ride my bike to nowhere with my husband, and find a rolling hill to lie on and just stare at the clouds rolling by.Would I trade my life for another? No. Do I check myself at least once a week to make sure the stress level remains manageable? Yes. And so, as I feel like Superwoman and enjoy the comments others make acknowledging that I juggle a lot, I do have that inner peace of happiness.

I can’t thank my family enough for throwing me a beautiful baby shower. They went all out - the pink and blue cake, homemade food, plates and napkins with baby buggies on them, the favors, the diaper cake, the surprise - the whole nine yards. My little girl has all pink dresses and rompers, purple bedding, fleece blankets in every sweet pastel color and enough plush toys to carry her through toddler hood.

But, it was my office friends, the ones who threw me the "clean-up" baby shower, that I really need to thank. You know what a "clean-up" shower is - it’s the second baby shower, the one your "work" friends throw. They are never sure what to buy because your registry has been purchased, and you keep assuring them you have everything you could possibly need.

Well, that’s what you think!

My friends at the office decided to throw a theme shower. The theme was entitled "Books and Butts." Invitations were simply sent out via email with the poetic request that all gifts fit the theme. All of my presents were geared at keeping baby’s butt clean and dry and keeping Mommy sane with books for Daddy and baby to share! Granted, opening presents didn’t have the same "WOW" factor, and I would later find writing thank you notes to be a bit monotonous, but each gift presentation came with advice from seasoned professionals.

Each mom in the room offered her opinion as to the best diaper brand, the most economical baby wash or which story to read when my not-yet-born turns three and asks how babies are made! My beautiful little girl is now 7 weeks old, and I have yet to buy a pack of diapers. Thanks to my friends, I know what brand works best for my little one’s bottom, after trying out every brand offered. Thanks to my friends, my husband has yet to make a midnight run for baby wipes. Thanks to my friends, I fear no diaper rash, and thanks to my friends, my little one has a baby's first library that rivals her Mommy’s. My friend, the one who threw me the baby shower, is now pregnant for the first time with her own little one, and I can’t wait to return the favor. Now, a seasoned mom myself, I will send an email around the office, gather my advice, buy her my idea of the best brand of diapers on the market and be ready to tell her exactly why they are so. I will give her the best titles in baby books and smile knowing that whether she realizes it or not, this is the best baby shower anyone could ever have!

Although the origin of the modern baby shower is unknown, there is evidence that the ancient cultures, such as the Egyptians and the Romans, often bestowed gifts upon the newborn or presented the parents with handmade gifts after the child was born. Baby showers as we know them today didn’t become popular until after World War 2. Baby showers today are a fun and exciting way for friends and family to celebrate the arrival of the new baby and help the mommy and daddy-to-be get prepared. If you are considering planning a shower for a friend or relative there are many things that you can do to make it a memorable celebration.

Traditionally it was unacceptable for a family member to throw the shower because it was viewed as the family asking for gifts, however over time this rule has been relaxed and it is perfectly acceptable for anyone be it friend, co-worker or relative, to throw a baby shower and for them to bring baby gifts.

When planning the shower be sure to check with the expectant parents to find a time that is convenient for them and let them make the guest list. Find out if they are registered at a store or what specific baby items they still need. It is important that you mail the invitations at least 3-4 weeks before the party date, so guest are more likely to have an open schedule.

A theme is a fun part of any shower. Themes may be as simple as what character is on the plates and napkins or much more elaborate. Take into consideration the mothers interests when planning the theme, some mothers would be happy with a very formal tea and brunch while others would enjoy something a little more casual. Here are a few fun ideas to get you started.

Baby IQ Party

Center this party on learning. You could decorate in red, black, and white (colors thought to stimulate the baby’s vision) or with an alphabet, nursery rhyme or book theme. Serve foods that start with letters of the alphabet and put cute alphabet blocks by each food. Play word games. List scrambled words related to pregnancy, labor, and babies and see who can unscramble them first. Play bingo with baby words. List both parents’ names and see how many baby names people can make out of the letters. Pick lines from nursery rhymes and see who can name the nursery rhyme. Bonus points if they can say the whole thing. Gifts could be as simple as everyone bringing a book or learning video. If you want to get more complicated assign guests with a letter of the alphabet and have them bring a gift that coincides with that letter.

Pamper Mommy Shower

This shower is great for an expectant mother who already has children. Sometimes pregnancy can make you feel like your whole life has become about the baby. Mothers already sacrifice a lot of things that they might have done before to pamper themselves when they have children so this is a great way to remind them they deserve some attention too. Serve the mothers absolute favorite foods; if she loves chocolate base the party around chocolate. Gifts could include scented candles, spa certificates, robes, gowns, jewelry, baskets full or items to make mommy feel great, or any item that is designed to bring comfort and happiness. Instead of the usual baby shower games, plan to have a make up consultant come and give a makeover, or arrange for at home spa services such as manicures and facials. Take her out to her favorite restaurant, anything to make her feel special.

Around the Clock Shower

This is a cute way to celebrate the everyday rituals that the mommy is going to be responsible for once the baby is born. Assign each guest with a time of the day and have him or her bring a gift that will be appropriate for that time. Gifts could include breakfast or lunchtime feeding items such as a cute set of plates, cups, bottles, etc. Nap time blankets, pillows, bassinets, or stuffed animals and bedtime story books or night-lights. Play games that are centered on the baby’s daily routine. Get a true-to-life size baby doll, a receiving blanket, a cloth diaper, and a baby shirt. Give each guest the doll and all the clothing, and see how fast each person can put all the clothes on the baby, finishing with swaddling the baby in the blanket. Whoever dresses the baby the fastest wins a prize. Have a baby food taste test, get jars of baby food, remove labels or cover with tape; number each jar. Give each guest a pen, a piece of paper, and a paper plate. Pass the jars of baby food around and ask the guests to place a little of each on their plate. Then ask them to taste each food and name it according to its corresponding number on the jar. The guest with the most correct answers wins a prize (and we bet it’s a person with kids!).

So what are you waiting for! Start planning a baby shower for the mommy-to-be in your life and have fun!

We have has a diverse selection of baby gift baskets that would make any baby shower extra special!

Just as your body goes through a tremendous adjustment after the birth of a baby, so does your emotional state. There is the impact of a huge role change on your lifestyle. Suddenly you are a parent, with twenty-four hors a day responsibilities to a dependant helpless baby. The role is a new one. It is tiring and a bit puzzling at times. Combine that with the fact you are already tired and undergoing sudden changes in hormonal production, and you have a situation of emotional stress. To top it all off, there is the tremendous commitment you feel for your tiny baby. Intense emotions, sometimes highs, and sometimes lows, are to be expected at this time. You may find that you cry easily, both from happiness and from sadness and frustration.

Your time is not your own now. Your baby’s needs often do not come at convenient times. It is not possible to make plans and expect to stick to them. The women who  cope best at this time  are those that can accept the realities of the early postpartum period. They place high priority on caring for the baby and getting rest. They also are supported in this by their husbands and other loved ones. Getting help and avoiding heavy demands on yourself are two of the most important gifts you can give your baby and yourself.

The postpartum period represents a gradual return to a normal lifestyle. Your body recovers from childbirth and adjusts to the new demands of parenthood, including interrupted sleep, feeding schedules, and a constant awareness of the needs of the baby. Thus begins a new phase in the growth and development in all family members.

That, she said, was when I knew it was over.

We were sitting in the bar. It was late on a Friday night. It was cool and dark in the bar and the overhead lights dimly reflected on the granite counter-top. She was drinking wine.

The first gift he gave me, she said, was a bracelet. It was really very lovely; it was very sweet of him. It wasn’t my birthday, or our anniversary. He just did it and I thought it was a wonderful thing to do.

She sipped her wine. She was lovely and it amused me to watch people in the bar watch her. Sometimes they tried to be covert about it but some of them just stared.

Often they stared because they were certain they recognized her. You could see them turn to a friend, without taking their eyes off of her, and you could see them saying: isn’t that - she’s that actress, the woman who does the weather, the sports, that commercial.

None of it was true. It was funny but she didn’t like it at all. It made her uncomfortable.

Once, she said, I had come from the gym; I was downtown, standing on a traffic island, waiting for a green light. A woman was standing next to me. She kept staring at me. Finally she said: Can I have your autograph?

I looked at her and said she was mistaken; I’m not anyone famous.

The woman insisted and I told her she was wrong and then she said: Why are you being a liar? You’re that Basic Instinct woman, and I don’t see why you have to be so rude.

I laughed but it wasn’t that funny.

I had been with her once when the same thing happened. We were walking into a restaurant and everyone stopped what they were doing. Then someone dropped a glass. In the silence it was very loud.

She ignored it. But in her eyes it was clear to me that she knew exactly what was happening.

I had taken photographs of her. I put them up in the window of the camera store I was working for. I watched people stop and stare at the photographs.

In the bar, I overhead a waiter talking to a friend of his. He was talking about her.

That’s her, he said, the woman in the photos. I told you she was someone.

I told her about it and she smiled, shyly.

You see, she said, everyone believes that because I look a certain way, I am someone else, and not who I really am; and if I looked a different way, they still wouldn’t see me.

Well, I said, what was the second gift he gave you?

She paused and looked down at the reflections on the bar-top. She looked back at me.

He gave me an oil lamp.

An oil lamp?

Yes.

Well, not very interesting but, not terrible.

He said it was so I could illuminate myself and see in the dark.

I think you see just fine, I said.

She smiled.

Thank you, she said, what better gift than the truth of seeing someone for who they are?