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Posts Tagged ‘sympathy gifts’

When you know someone who has recently lost a loved one, you want to send a sympathy card. But often, the task becomes monumental because you don’t know what to write or how to approach the subject. Here are some ideas to get you started so you can get your card in the mail right away.

Be direct and sympathetic. Don’t try to cover up the reason why you’re writing. It will only make the recipient feel worse. Start off with how you found out about the sad news.

“I just found out from my mom this afternoon that Derek passed away,” is appropriate.

Next, mention how sad you are about the death. Trying to hide your feelings to make the recipient feel less sad isn’t going to work. Say something like:

“I am shocked, as I am sure we all are, that his passing was so sudden.”

You’ll want to offer something nice about the deceased or mention one thing that really was unique or special about them. You could say,

“Derek was such a great dad to the boys. I remember seeing him at every Little League game even if it was raining.”

Offer to help if you can. Don’t make any outlandish promises that you can’t keep. You might try something like:

“When you are feeling up to it, I’d like to take you out for coffee. Please call me any time. I am always available to you.”

Make sure you mean what you say. Don’t offer to make a future date and then not keep your word. If you have no time to meet with the bereaved in the next few weeks, omit any mention of a meeting. If you do intend to meet with your friend, be sure to write a date on your calendar when you will follow up with her. Chances are she’ll be too grief-stricken to want to reach out and set a date.

The final part of your note could be a scripture verse or a favorite inspirational quote. Search online for appropriate sympathy quotes if none immediately come to mind. Be sure you put the source in case the recipient wants to look it up (say in the Bible).

Lastly, end with a heartfelt word such as, “Thinking of you in your time of grief.” Be sincere and don’t try to be overly flowery. Saying, “You are in my prayers” is far better than trying to skirt around the issue of the death and getting long winded. Make it short but sympathetic.

Other ways you can close your letter include:

“You are in our hearts in this time of deep sorrow.”

“Praying that your good memories will be a comfort to you at this tragic time.”

“Sharing in your grief,”

“May you find the peace of Jesus in your time of great sorrow.”

Anything is appropriate if it is heartfelt. Don’t feel you have to say you’re praying for someone if you’ve never said a prayer in your life. And don’t feel you have to make reference to religion or spirituality at all if it makes you uncomfortable.

Always sign your full first and last name. Your card may get separated from the envelope and you may leave the bereaved wondering if the card was from Susan at work or Susan her cousin from New Jersey.

You can either use a note card or a blank piece of paper for your condolences, remember it is the thought that you put into your words that really counts.

Always put a lot of thought into what you write in a sympathy note. It doesn't have to be long (no more than a page), and the words can be simple.  Below are a few things to keep in mind.

Make sure you know what religion the person who has passed away was, so that you do not write anything that would be against their religion in the personal note to the members of the family.

A good format for a condolence note is:
1.  Give a tribute to the deceased: pay your respects and provide a tribute to the dead.
2.  Offer the grieving your condolences: say to the bereaved how sorry you are for their loss. Be yourself and write as if you were speaking the condolences to them.
3.  Acknowledge their grief: you can acknowledge the grief has happened by offering whatever support you can and personally expressing your own deepest sympathy.

If you knew the person who has passed away, write about a memory you have about them, or an act of kindness that they did for you. If you have some photos, you could include those in the note too. Photos can help the grieving process, as it helps people remember the good times.

If you did not know the person who passed away, talk about the importance of that person to the person who the sympathy note is intended for.

Be genuine and write from the heart. Let them know that you are there for them, if they need you for any support or help. But make this expression of help in real terms, like they can phone you day or night, or you can come and stay with them for a couple weeks. If this is the case include your home number and cell phone on the note.

Always sign the condolence note with your full name, as you don't want your sympathy note to be confused with someone else if you share the same name.

Always hand write a condolence note, as this shows the recipient that you are expressing your deepest sympathies in a personal manner. This means no e-mails.

To add a little something special with your note, check out our selection of thoughtful sympathy gifts.